[Life the Continuing Adventure] Summer To Do List

Right. So, awhile back I stated that I was tired of just existing and I wanted to live again. This is kind of a day one thing, because I have months of summer ahead, two kids to spend it with and friends to get to know better and open myself up to. That's the short version, but here is the complete list of what I hope to accomplish with the summer (in no particular order).

[ ] Learn how to drive (conquering irrational fears 101)
[ ] Go see dinosaurs with the munchkins
[ ] Have a date night (or even a few) with my amazing husband
[ ] Learn how to belly dance
[ ] Volunteer with a sexual or domestic abuse organization
[ ] Make it to the Shore as much as possible (I miss the ocean, even if it's not the right ocean)
[ ] Write at least two blogs a week in a consolidated place (here), no matter how silly they may end up being
[ ] Put together that poetry/art book I keep meaning to do with my little sister
[ ] Explore as much of nature as I can
[ ] Spend as little time on the Interwebs as possible
[ ] Get everything together to go back to school
[ ] Play tennis at least once a week
[ ] Join a gym
[ ] Do at least one amazing big art project with the little ones
[ ] Remind myself each and every day how very thankful I am for everything I have in my life
[ ] Take my kids to their first baseball game (Phillies and Giants so everyone is happy)
[ ] Figure out exactly what it takes and get started on running a publishing company
[ ] Write some short stories that don't suck
[ ] Stop worrying so much about poisonous people
[ ] Embrace each and every day to it's fullest, no matter what

That's all I can think of right now, but the last really includes just knowing when to recognize opportunities and jump on them. Something I'm way too afraid of doing in my life.

Peace, love and kittens. <3 Hope your summer is as amazing as it can be as well.

[Reflect]The Dad Thing

So, step one, breathe. I cannot reiterate how many times I have had to remind myself of this in my life. Some how my reaction to terrible things is to stop breathing, stop living, stop everything. I suppose it's old enough to have seen my share of tragedy, some of it senseless, all of it painful (otherwise it wouldn't be tragic).

My dad was responsible for the first big blow of my life. When my parents divorced, there was no point a to b, he just disappeared and my mom took over everything. There were patches in my life where my dad would reappear and want to be dad. Not very many, and they weren't very bright. The time he took us to his ranch to stay with him, he spent the majority of the time convincing my sister and I that my mom was too crazy to properly take care of us. After all these years, I'm not sure if it was a misled attempt to take care of us, or a vindictive move. Given everything that was going on with my mom, I'd like to think it was the misled attempt. I'm a little hazy on this, but I'm pretty sure he didn't actually have permission to take us. The point is, all I remember from that is him trying to poison me against my mom. Then there was the one summer I went to go see him in Ohio. I don't remember much time spent with him. I remember a lot of time running around with my cousins, an entirely inappropriate relationship with a 19 year old for a 13 year old and my first cigarette, but not my dad during that trip. After that, there was about a year or two of infrequent drives out to truck stops for dinner with him. That was the sum of it. Some time in my fifteenth year of living, he just dropped off the face of the planet. My mom would call him and tell him about suicide attempts and how badly things were really going for me, and there would be nothing in response. Nothing in response to the news that I had a beautiful little boy when I was 24. There was one Christmas where gifts appeared out of nowhere when Evan was 2 I think. And that in summation was my relationship with my dad after the divorce.

In hindsight, I realize that gift probably came with the news of his cancer. He didn't share that information with us, but as far as time lines go, it seems about right. To be completely honest, I'm not sure when it came into my sphere of knowledge that he had cancer. I'm sure my sister knew before I did and probably didn't think to share it. She had forgiven him and was talking to him again. After everything, I thought I had declared him dead in my head. If there's anything I inherited from my dad, it's this stubborn streak a mile wide.

Then the news came that he was dying. There was no more radiation and no more chemo that could be done without doing more harm than good to him. It had moved into his brain.

Turns out the funny thing about declaring someone dead in your head and someone actually dying is that there is a huge difference. In all honesty, I was still angry about everything. I debated going to see him, not wanting his desire to see me to be a deathbed making amends. I did end up going to see him, because I thought he should meet this little man that was so much like him in looks and personality that I had had. I'm glad I did. I think I would have regretted it to my own dying day if I hadn't. It was harder than I expected. The man who, despite everything he had done, was still my daddy. When I was tiny he was the strongest person I knew and he could fight the world for me. Now he was so frail that it felt like you could break him if you hugged him too hard. He couldn't eat. His mental facilities were decaying as the cancer ate through them. If you've ever been that physically close to someone dying of cancer, you know what I mean. Even with everything that has happened in my life since, I think that was the most heartbreaking moment of my entire life to date.

The moment I will never forget from that trip is when I was leaving and my dad cried as I was leaving. I had never in my life seen my dad cry. Not once. That was the moment when all the years of silence, bitterness and anger came crashing down on me. How much waste there was in them. He was crying, because he'd never see his daughter again. As a parent myself, that would be the most gut wrenching pain in world.

In the end, my dad may not have been perfect, but there was never a lack of love. Maybe he just didn't know how to reach out, just like I didn't know how to reach out. I still have issues with forgiveness. Maybe it's part of that stubborn streak I inherited from him. He wasn't perfect, but neither was I. If there is anything I have learned from it all though, it's to never let go of the ones you love. Never let space and anger come between you like my dad and I did. Because you never know when there isn't going to be anymore time. The true test with my kids has yet to come, I know, but I'd like to think I'm ready for the challenge and I've evolved enough to get there.

Side note: Shortly after my dad passed away, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I think to this day that she has a little bit of my dad's spirit in her and maybe she's my second chance.

[Soapbox]So, about this whole Happy Holidays vs Merry Christmas thing...

Disclaimer: I cannot even believe I see as much about this as I do, but just to state beforehand, I am a Christian and I do celebrate Christmas. I just think this whole thing is kind of stupid, but for what it's worth, this is my weigh in on it.

Here are a couple disjointed thoughts on why being offended one way or the other on this is, in my opinion, pretty much stupid.

1. Etymology
The word holiday means "holy days". It derives from an Old English word, hāligdæg. So really, it's not any less religious than saying Merry Christmas. It just happens to be inclusive of multiple religious beliefs and celebrations. I don't see that as such a bad thing. Maybe it's the fact that I don't limit myself to only associating with and befriending people who share my beliefs, but it seems pretty silly to be offended that one word could encompass more than just my views.

2. Professionalism
One place I ran into a lot of this was when I was cashiering at a grocery store. I would always say happy holidays unless someone said Merry Christmas (or Happy Chanakkuh, or whatever). Then I would respond back in same. First off, I wasn't offended that someone may have wished me a happy something I don't celebrate, but more on that later. Secondly, by them saying that I know I can say something that speaks to their beliefs personally. Otherwise it's not worth potentially offending someone. It's a shitty job, and somehow it doesn't seem worth it to make it shittier. So, when you want to be snarky to your cashier/mall worker who said Happy Holidays to you, just keep in mind, their life sucks enough without your attitude.

3. Appearances
Guess what? I can't tell by looking at you if you are Christian, Pagan, Jewish, atheist or anything else. If I could, I'm pretty sure it would qualify as a super power since really no one can. It's mighty selfish to think your holiday is so much more important than anyone else's that we should tell a Jew Merry Christmas just so you're happy. I can already see you going, "But that's not my intention." It is though. This whole thing being a debate shows that it's your intention. Screw what everyone else believes, this is all about what you believe this time of year. Sorry, I can't get behind that. I'm kind of all about love and acceptance of everyone, no matter what they believe. Unless it's killing puppies and kittens. That's not cool ever.

4. Nationality
(This part only applies to Americans.)"We are a Christian Nation." No, we're not. Get over it, move on and realize there's a reason we don't have a state religion. The end.

5. History
I'm not even going to get too deep into this one, but I am going to say that as hallowed as Christmas is to Christians as the birth of Christ, the holiday itself and much of it's traditions don't have anything to do with Christianity. There's nothing wrong with this. Things evolve and when people came to the Christian religion, they didn't leave behind their Pagan traditions completely. So, it evolved. That's all on that, because I know this is a can of worms I don't want to open too much.

6. Intent
This is for everyone, those that are offended by Happy Holidays and those that are offended by Merry Christmas. Sometimes a nice thought is just a nice thought, no matter how it's phrased. Stop being so freaking sensitive. This is along the same lines as someone saying they're going to pray for you (in a genuine way, not a praying for your deviant soul kind of way). You just take it. Say thank you. Be gracious. Don't be a douche. Which might be the whole point behind all of this blog.

So, if you take nothing else from this blog, just don't be a douche. Really, on some level that's what this season is supposed to be all about. Now, here's some penguins:

[Mommy][Nerd]The Next Generation...

So, forget for a second the whole litany of ways that nerd and geek has become super trendy and lost any meaning it ever had. Now step back and think about the truly nerdy people you know. Now look at this picture:

I was talking to Jeff about it and I swear I'm looking at the next generation of nerdom here. In this pile of birthday loot there's the telescope and microscope he was ridiculously excited for, the Jedi training manual and Star Wars puzzles, the remote control spider and underneath all that, a magic kit.

Now, he's 9, so I give that this is the age that he's "supposed" to be into these things. In this day and age though, it's all about instant gratification for 9 year olds, not discovering what a rock looks like under a microscope. I'm pretty sure the majority of the blame rests on parents that are complacent in their mediocracy to create mediocre children, but that's how it seems to be. Not to sound like I'm bragging that my kid is so much smarter than any other kid (despite my motherly belief in that very fact), but this kid here loves books, puzzles, building and science more than anything else. Even video games, even though it will be a dark day for him when he doesn't have those.

It fills me with an immense amount of pride and worry at the same time. I don't know if he's going to fall into that mold of being hopelessly socially awkward as he gets older. I worried that was the case already, but apparently he's the kid everyone wants to be friends with right now.

My main point in this really rambling blog that I swear had a more cohesive point when I started typing it, is this. As parents, we create the expectations that our kids live up to. It's our job to support them no matter what they love, yes, but it's also our job to hold them to a standard that we know they can achieve, while not getting angry if sometimes they fail. I'd like to think it's the standards of knowing he's smart enough to handle all these interests that has led to him being interested in them. I know that's not all it is, because if there's anything I've learned by age 9, it's that he will be his own person in any and all ways, no matter what I think sometimes. It's a good chunk of it though.

[Soapbox]How to Shut Down a Political Debate 101

Alright, so I am a bit opinionated when it comes to politics. If by a bit we could also say that the Himalayas is a bit of a big mountain range. I love debating and discussing political things. Or, at least, I used to. It doesn't seem like there's a civil way of doing this anymore. I can count on one hand the discussions I've had that have not at some point degenerated to name calling and "if you don't agree with me, you clearly have no idea what you're talking about".
Because that makes perfect sense.

There is not a single person in this world that I 100% agree with, up to and including my husband. I would say we agree about 75% of the time and the other 25% are on completely opposite sides of the fence. (Note: percentages are completely made up and I have no idea how many times we've actually agreed/disagreed.) We can talk about politics though. We can talk about them half an hour before bed, and go to sleep in a perfectly content place. So, here are three keys that we use face to face, that should also be applied to the internet with people you don't love as much as I love my husband.

The Keys:
1. Perspective
It's a difference of opinion. And not the kind of opinion that thinks getting a blow job is cheating, because it's not real sex. It's a difference of opinion that opens dialogues and may make you think about something you hadn't considered before.
2. Name calling
We don't name call. There is no point where we have ever used terms like "idiot" or "uninformed" in our discussions. You know why? All name calling does is shut down the communication part of a discussion. All it leaves is knee jerk reactions for the most part. Seriously, when was the last time calling someone a liberal nutjob or a closed minded conservative actually helped your argument?
3. Knowing when to walk away.
Inevitably, we hit walls. We hit walls where we're officially talking in circles and it's clear that nothing is being gained by continuing the conversation, except frustration and less sex. Granted, when talking to Joe Bob Doe on the internet, you're probably not worried about sleeping with him, but there is still  something to be for walking away. For me, it's the second someone pulls out derogatory terms anymore. I used to stick around, but there is no dialogue and all that happens is my blood pressure goes up. (Note: Any time you thought you won when I just dropped out of a conversation like this, realize that more than likely you lost in my eyes.) Know when nothing is being gained, and walk away. You might save a few friendships that way.

Afterword: I know it's kind of already tread on paths to say that the internet is killing all common courtesy, but it's true. And as it becomes more and more the most common form of interaction with people, it could be said it's killing our common courtesy all around. You will only be treated as well as you treat other people. Remember that.

[Nerd]Thoughts on Buffy/Angel vs Twilight

So, in theory I should have probably already put this together, but in randomly rewatching Angel, it kind of clicked for me.
Everything Twilight did, Joss did in the Buffy/Angel universe first.
Fated epic grand romance with broody, sometimes evil, vampire. Check.
Prophesied mystic pregnancy. Check.

Okay, really this is all I got so far, because I don't really want to have to watch/read Twilight to investigate it further. But, funny, no?
Someday if I feel it's worth the time, I'll do more research on it. Or go crib someone other geek's research that I'm sure someone out there did.

[Soapbox]Black Friday

[DISCLAIMER: Author has a history of working retail management for years combined with a history of really being pretty nonmaterialistic as these things go. She also respects that people may think she's being judgmental of individuals with this blog and, well, she probably is, but she won't apologize for that.]

Oh, Black Friday, Black Friday, it's another year and you're here yet again. First a little history, Black Friday is thus called because stores numbers are almost always in the black on this day. Or at least traditionally they used to be. It started off fairly innocuously as the beginning of holiday sales, back when the holidays weren't in stores until Thanksgiving was over, not when Labor Day was over. Over the years it has grown and morphed into a monstrous beast at the whim of corporate machinery and consumer greed. If that sounds like a bit of a grandiose description to you, then you clearly have never actually seen the mass stupidity that this day inspires in otherwise sane and normal individuals.

It starts earlier and earlier every year.  This year you may or may not have heard the uproar over so many place opening on Thanksgiving night and how unfair it was and how greedy the corporate heads were.  While I won't be the person to argue that corporations are greedy and unfair, it seems a bit disingenuous to put it all on their heads. As stores opened earlier and earlier every year, hour by hour, dawn to 3 am to midnight to now Thanksgiving, it wasn't the corporate heads standing there waiting at the doors.  That, dear friends, was consumers (yes, maybe even you).  You decry it now, but they wouldn't keep making it earlier if people didn't keep showing up in droves in support of it.

Now, I know the arguments for taking place in all this madness. The deals are the best of the season, my kids/husband won't love me as much if I don't get them exactly what they want, I question my own love for them if I don't get them just a little bit more than I did last year, they don't care about anything but the presents under the tree and I don't want to hear the fits. Granted, I'm probably imagining your children as far larger brats than they really are, but it's the general train of thought (with some rewording) that I hear when people defend why they wait in line for three hours to buy something.

Remember way back in the dark ages of the 80's when people were shocked by how violent parents would get fighting over the last Cabbage Patch Kid? Or in the slightly less dark ages of the 90's when the same thing happened for Tickle Me Elmos? Remember when that was news? It's not anymore, these days it's just holiday shopping tactics. It's every single day up until Christmas at Toys'R'Us. Black Friday is the crowning jewel on top of it. Think about how every year you hear about at least ten people who got hurt in the rush to shop or in a fight over something material.

Step back from yourself and really think about that for a second. Now think about what Christmas in a idealistic snow globe of hope, love and other shiny things is supposed to be about. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?  You know that whole bit about peace and love on Earth towards all mankind?  There's not a lot of that these days.  While it may have it's roots in Christian ideology, I think peace and love is something we can all agree is something to strive towards.  So, as I sit at home, curled up with my blog, my cat and a cup of coffee, instead of out in the masses fighting for something my son or daughter don't need, I leave you with that thought. Peace and love on Earth towards all mankind, not just on Christmas/Solstice/Hanukkah, but all through the season.

[Review]Mr. B Gone

Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I really wish there was an option to give something half a star, but since it is Clive Barker, I'm going to go on the generous end of things and round up.
This book was.......unconvincing and irritating for the most part.
There's positives. It's a quick read. The concept and idea are fantastic. The way the book was made to reflect said concept by having "aged" pages and older fonts was amazing and earns a star by itself. Authors don't put enough thought into the presentation of the book and it was plain to see that much time and thought was put into this one.
Unfortunately, I think more time and effort may have been put into the feel of the book than was put into the actual story. The story follows the misadventures of one Jakabok Botch (aka Mr B), inferior demon extraordinaire. Which is to say, it's 250 pages of whining, inexplicable emotions that appear from nowhere and extremely uneven time frames, interspersed with pleas, threats and insults to burn the book. That last part? It got old and irritating really fast. There is absolutely nothing likable about Mr. B. And he's rarely entertaining. Mostly he just whines. A lot.

Overall, not recommended. At all. And I love Clive Barker like I love few authors. This one just wasn't good.

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[Reflect]Thanks and Giving

So, as you should probably be aware if you're an American, Thanksgiving is fast approaching.  There is turkey, stuffing and pie (amongst many other things) to be had for (almost) all.  It's easy to confuse this holiday as a holiday devoted to pure gluttony.  For many people, sadly, that's all it is about.  Not that I'm lessening the importance of pie of all things, but when was the last time you stepped back and truly appreciated what was around you?  I was trying to explain the importance of Thanksgiving to the littlest one (leaving out that bit about Pilgrims and mass genocide) and it occurred to me that something I'm thankful for is the fact that having kids makes me reflect on these things I would otherwise ignore.

I'd also like to give thanks this year for many things.  This year I turned over a new leaf, in a new state (of the Union and of being).  I "started" my life with the best man I could ask for.  I continue to watch my little ones grow and become their own people (even if it becomes increasingly clear their own persons are going to disagree with this person frequently).  Friendships new and old, near and far, have been amazing as I've tried to find a path that I wouldn't lose myself on.  So has family, new and old.  I can't imagine where I'd be without the support of all the wonderful people I know.  I am filled with so much gratitude to know each and every one of you.  Even if it was a passing moment of laughter, that was one more moment of laughter than I had two moments before.  I am thankful for my ability to write and growing audience that it is reaching, as gradually as it may be happening.

The thing I'm most thankful for is my ability to grow and change as a being.  I can't say I've completely let go of my petty jealousies and judgments, but I have tried so very hard to shift that energy to something positive. Things aren't always easy, but that's true of everyone.  I lose sight of this frequently.  It's probably one of the biggest struggles in my life.  I wear masks all the time.  I hate that I'm the kind of person who judges someone on the mask they choose to wear to make it through the day.

Which brings me to the giving part of this blog:
Giving.  We are fundamentally a materialistic sort.  The term giving inevitably brings up thoughts of things.  I am in no way saying that giving in this sense is bad.  It does have the tendency to make us all think that if we don't have much, then we don't have anything to give.  The next time you think this, think about how someone's eyes lit up when you said hello and how are you?  Or think about the look of relief when you waited five extra seconds to hold open for the door for someone with their hands full.

Giving is not inherently the giving of things.  It's also the giving of kindness and gratitude.  And just think how much nicer the world would be if we all gave a little bit more kindness to those we know and those we don't.

Love, light and gratitude to all of you.

[Review]The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I'm going to quote one of my friends on this one: "I wish I liked this book even less than I do."
Firstly, it's dense. Nothing wrong with that in my world. I read classic Russian literature for the kick of it. The key word there is literature though. This is far from literature. It's shock fiction. Which I'm hit and miss on at the best of times. Very few authors are Thomas Harris and I accept that. But to sum up this one, it's dense fluff.
I didn't mind the angle on the financial journalism stuff, like a lot of people did. I'm pretty sure that this simply has to do with the fact I have a keen interest in journalism and the media and that's all there is to that.
Everything reaches it's logical conclusion and it's okay. There's a bit of gore and violence done in a good way. Not so over the top that it detracts from the story, not so underwhelming that it doesn't seem realistic. Not really anything spectacularly special though.

Honestly, my main problem with this story might be considered a bit personal. So, here's this main character with piercings and tattoos, who is a capable intelligent human being. So, clearly, SHE IS DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR. I find it personally frustrating when people read certain characters as "strong" when they are just stereotypical. It's not even that she has a troubled past. I could have lived with that. She has Aspergers and is prone to extreme violent fits and can't fit in with society. Yeah, we get it, people with tattoos and piercings clearly can't have all their processes working like people who don't. Except, here in the real world, they can and do.

Taking everything into consideration (outside of that last paragraph/soapbox I was standing on), I can't say that I would recommend this. I haven't seen the movie, but given that Fincher is an amazing director, I'm going to guess it's better to just watch that instead.

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