[Soapbox]How to Shut Down a Political Debate 101

Alright, so I am a bit opinionated when it comes to politics. If by a bit we could also say that the Himalayas is a bit of a big mountain range. I love debating and discussing political things. Or, at least, I used to. It doesn't seem like there's a civil way of doing this anymore. I can count on one hand the discussions I've had that have not at some point degenerated to name calling and "if you don't agree with me, you clearly have no idea what you're talking about".
Because that makes perfect sense.

There is not a single person in this world that I 100% agree with, up to and including my husband. I would say we agree about 75% of the time and the other 25% are on completely opposite sides of the fence. (Note: percentages are completely made up and I have no idea how many times we've actually agreed/disagreed.) We can talk about politics though. We can talk about them half an hour before bed, and go to sleep in a perfectly content place. So, here are three keys that we use face to face, that should also be applied to the internet with people you don't love as much as I love my husband.

The Keys:
1. Perspective
It's a difference of opinion. And not the kind of opinion that thinks getting a blow job is cheating, because it's not real sex. It's a difference of opinion that opens dialogues and may make you think about something you hadn't considered before.
2. Name calling
We don't name call. There is no point where we have ever used terms like "idiot" or "uninformed" in our discussions. You know why? All name calling does is shut down the communication part of a discussion. All it leaves is knee jerk reactions for the most part. Seriously, when was the last time calling someone a liberal nutjob or a closed minded conservative actually helped your argument?
3. Knowing when to walk away.
Inevitably, we hit walls. We hit walls where we're officially talking in circles and it's clear that nothing is being gained by continuing the conversation, except frustration and less sex. Granted, when talking to Joe Bob Doe on the internet, you're probably not worried about sleeping with him, but there is still  something to be for walking away. For me, it's the second someone pulls out derogatory terms anymore. I used to stick around, but there is no dialogue and all that happens is my blood pressure goes up. (Note: Any time you thought you won when I just dropped out of a conversation like this, realize that more than likely you lost in my eyes.) Know when nothing is being gained, and walk away. You might save a few friendships that way.

Afterword: I know it's kind of already tread on paths to say that the internet is killing all common courtesy, but it's true. And as it becomes more and more the most common form of interaction with people, it could be said it's killing our common courtesy all around. You will only be treated as well as you treat other people. Remember that.

[Nerd]Thoughts on Buffy/Angel vs Twilight

So, in theory I should have probably already put this together, but in randomly rewatching Angel, it kind of clicked for me.
Everything Twilight did, Joss did in the Buffy/Angel universe first.
Fated epic grand romance with broody, sometimes evil, vampire. Check.
Prophesied mystic pregnancy. Check.

Okay, really this is all I got so far, because I don't really want to have to watch/read Twilight to investigate it further. But, funny, no?
Someday if I feel it's worth the time, I'll do more research on it. Or go crib someone other geek's research that I'm sure someone out there did.

[Soapbox]Black Friday

[DISCLAIMER: Author has a history of working retail management for years combined with a history of really being pretty nonmaterialistic as these things go. She also respects that people may think she's being judgmental of individuals with this blog and, well, she probably is, but she won't apologize for that.]

Oh, Black Friday, Black Friday, it's another year and you're here yet again. First a little history, Black Friday is thus called because stores numbers are almost always in the black on this day. Or at least traditionally they used to be. It started off fairly innocuously as the beginning of holiday sales, back when the holidays weren't in stores until Thanksgiving was over, not when Labor Day was over. Over the years it has grown and morphed into a monstrous beast at the whim of corporate machinery and consumer greed. If that sounds like a bit of a grandiose description to you, then you clearly have never actually seen the mass stupidity that this day inspires in otherwise sane and normal individuals.

It starts earlier and earlier every year.  This year you may or may not have heard the uproar over so many place opening on Thanksgiving night and how unfair it was and how greedy the corporate heads were.  While I won't be the person to argue that corporations are greedy and unfair, it seems a bit disingenuous to put it all on their heads. As stores opened earlier and earlier every year, hour by hour, dawn to 3 am to midnight to now Thanksgiving, it wasn't the corporate heads standing there waiting at the doors.  That, dear friends, was consumers (yes, maybe even you).  You decry it now, but they wouldn't keep making it earlier if people didn't keep showing up in droves in support of it.

Now, I know the arguments for taking place in all this madness. The deals are the best of the season, my kids/husband won't love me as much if I don't get them exactly what they want, I question my own love for them if I don't get them just a little bit more than I did last year, they don't care about anything but the presents under the tree and I don't want to hear the fits. Granted, I'm probably imagining your children as far larger brats than they really are, but it's the general train of thought (with some rewording) that I hear when people defend why they wait in line for three hours to buy something.

Remember way back in the dark ages of the 80's when people were shocked by how violent parents would get fighting over the last Cabbage Patch Kid? Or in the slightly less dark ages of the 90's when the same thing happened for Tickle Me Elmos? Remember when that was news? It's not anymore, these days it's just holiday shopping tactics. It's every single day up until Christmas at Toys'R'Us. Black Friday is the crowning jewel on top of it. Think about how every year you hear about at least ten people who got hurt in the rush to shop or in a fight over something material.

Step back from yourself and really think about that for a second. Now think about what Christmas in a idealistic snow globe of hope, love and other shiny things is supposed to be about. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?  You know that whole bit about peace and love on Earth towards all mankind?  There's not a lot of that these days.  While it may have it's roots in Christian ideology, I think peace and love is something we can all agree is something to strive towards.  So, as I sit at home, curled up with my blog, my cat and a cup of coffee, instead of out in the masses fighting for something my son or daughter don't need, I leave you with that thought. Peace and love on Earth towards all mankind, not just on Christmas/Solstice/Hanukkah, but all through the season.

[Review]Mr. B Gone

Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I really wish there was an option to give something half a star, but since it is Clive Barker, I'm going to go on the generous end of things and round up.
This book was.......unconvincing and irritating for the most part.
There's positives. It's a quick read. The concept and idea are fantastic. The way the book was made to reflect said concept by having "aged" pages and older fonts was amazing and earns a star by itself. Authors don't put enough thought into the presentation of the book and it was plain to see that much time and thought was put into this one.
Unfortunately, I think more time and effort may have been put into the feel of the book than was put into the actual story. The story follows the misadventures of one Jakabok Botch (aka Mr B), inferior demon extraordinaire. Which is to say, it's 250 pages of whining, inexplicable emotions that appear from nowhere and extremely uneven time frames, interspersed with pleas, threats and insults to burn the book. That last part? It got old and irritating really fast. There is absolutely nothing likable about Mr. B. And he's rarely entertaining. Mostly he just whines. A lot.

Overall, not recommended. At all. And I love Clive Barker like I love few authors. This one just wasn't good.

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[Reflect]Thanks and Giving

So, as you should probably be aware if you're an American, Thanksgiving is fast approaching.  There is turkey, stuffing and pie (amongst many other things) to be had for (almost) all.  It's easy to confuse this holiday as a holiday devoted to pure gluttony.  For many people, sadly, that's all it is about.  Not that I'm lessening the importance of pie of all things, but when was the last time you stepped back and truly appreciated what was around you?  I was trying to explain the importance of Thanksgiving to the littlest one (leaving out that bit about Pilgrims and mass genocide) and it occurred to me that something I'm thankful for is the fact that having kids makes me reflect on these things I would otherwise ignore.

I'd also like to give thanks this year for many things.  This year I turned over a new leaf, in a new state (of the Union and of being).  I "started" my life with the best man I could ask for.  I continue to watch my little ones grow and become their own people (even if it becomes increasingly clear their own persons are going to disagree with this person frequently).  Friendships new and old, near and far, have been amazing as I've tried to find a path that I wouldn't lose myself on.  So has family, new and old.  I can't imagine where I'd be without the support of all the wonderful people I know.  I am filled with so much gratitude to know each and every one of you.  Even if it was a passing moment of laughter, that was one more moment of laughter than I had two moments before.  I am thankful for my ability to write and growing audience that it is reaching, as gradually as it may be happening.

The thing I'm most thankful for is my ability to grow and change as a being.  I can't say I've completely let go of my petty jealousies and judgments, but I have tried so very hard to shift that energy to something positive. Things aren't always easy, but that's true of everyone.  I lose sight of this frequently.  It's probably one of the biggest struggles in my life.  I wear masks all the time.  I hate that I'm the kind of person who judges someone on the mask they choose to wear to make it through the day.

Which brings me to the giving part of this blog:
Giving.  We are fundamentally a materialistic sort.  The term giving inevitably brings up thoughts of things.  I am in no way saying that giving in this sense is bad.  It does have the tendency to make us all think that if we don't have much, then we don't have anything to give.  The next time you think this, think about how someone's eyes lit up when you said hello and how are you?  Or think about the look of relief when you waited five extra seconds to hold open for the door for someone with their hands full.

Giving is not inherently the giving of things.  It's also the giving of kindness and gratitude.  And just think how much nicer the world would be if we all gave a little bit more kindness to those we know and those we don't.

Love, light and gratitude to all of you.

[Review]The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I'm going to quote one of my friends on this one: "I wish I liked this book even less than I do."
Firstly, it's dense. Nothing wrong with that in my world. I read classic Russian literature for the kick of it. The key word there is literature though. This is far from literature. It's shock fiction. Which I'm hit and miss on at the best of times. Very few authors are Thomas Harris and I accept that. But to sum up this one, it's dense fluff.
I didn't mind the angle on the financial journalism stuff, like a lot of people did. I'm pretty sure that this simply has to do with the fact I have a keen interest in journalism and the media and that's all there is to that.
Everything reaches it's logical conclusion and it's okay. There's a bit of gore and violence done in a good way. Not so over the top that it detracts from the story, not so underwhelming that it doesn't seem realistic. Not really anything spectacularly special though.

Honestly, my main problem with this story might be considered a bit personal. So, here's this main character with piercings and tattoos, who is a capable intelligent human being. So, clearly, SHE IS DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR. I find it personally frustrating when people read certain characters as "strong" when they are just stereotypical. It's not even that she has a troubled past. I could have lived with that. She has Aspergers and is prone to extreme violent fits and can't fit in with society. Yeah, we get it, people with tattoos and piercings clearly can't have all their processes working like people who don't. Except, here in the real world, they can and do.

Taking everything into consideration (outside of that last paragraph/soapbox I was standing on), I can't say that I would recommend this. I haven't seen the movie, but given that Fincher is an amazing director, I'm going to guess it's better to just watch that instead.

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[Soapbox]"Real Women Have Curves"

You know how there are phrases that every time you hear them, you kind of want to roll your eyes and tell someone to shut up? This is one of them for me. I hate this saying.

Once upon a time, when we were itty bitty, we judged people for the important things, like whether they would share our crayons with us, if they ate sand in the sand box and if they liked My Little Ponies as much as we did. Okay, so maybe not important, but nowhere on that list is there judgement for how big someone was. Little girls (and boys, but this is predominantly about girls) were not born with a sense of thinking they were better than someone over something as arbitrary as their size.

The usual side of this argument that you hear is that "fat women are discriminated against just for being fat". Which is one hundred percent true. If you are overweight there are eighty million stereotypes that are used against you. People will assume you're lazy, eat half a box of cookies a night and cry into a cake unable to tear yourself away from it. I get it. I am a heavier woman myself, the looks are there and the judgement is there. On the flip side, people think that heavier women are more maternal and caring as well, but I suppose it's hard to see that when you think someone is picturing you with a pig tail.

Somewhere along the line, the backlash became an "us or them" mentality. If you're a persecuted fat woman, than clearly all skinny women are evil. Heavyset women will deny that this is the case, but let's face it, before you talk to someone you've judged that because they're a size 4, they're a judgemental control freak most of the time. Even if they aren't judging you. Or are just naturally small.

The fact is "real women have curves" sums up this entire mentality. Hate to break it to the world, but real women have a vagina and a uterus. That is what makes a real woman, whether she be a Kate Moss or a Marilyn Monroe. What makes us beautiful is not the size of our hips, the size of our waists, the size of our boobs: It's our ability to show compassion and live in a world with as little judgement as we can manage. Just because someone is not exactly like you, does not mean they are not beautiful. It just means their different.

A saying that doesn't piss me off: "Ugly is on the inside." Ugliness is not the size of your nose, it's the ignorance of your soul.

*steps off*

And I leave you with an interesting article from Glamour magazine of all places:

http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2012/05/weight-stereotyping-the-secret-way-people-are-judging-you-based-on-your-body-glamour-june-2012

There are a lot of interesting thoughts there on how we judge. And how unfair those judgements usually end up being.

[Inspiration]Anne of Green Gables

[This is a first in a series of blogs where I talk in depth about what has inspired me as an writer.]

The first series I can say that I ever truly loved was Anne of Green Gables. I honestly don't even remember how old I was when I picked it up, but I was in love with her world and her from page one, all the way to the last page of Rilla of Ingleside. How could you not love the adventures of a plucky orphan girl who gradually wins over everyone around her? Especially one who screws up (a lot)?

I don't know how familiar you may or may not be with a lot of what is written for girls out there, but most of it revolves around these characters that are perfect in every way and happen to have hardship fall on them. Not Anne. Anne is gawky, unwanted orphan girl who doesn't know how to shut up. She scandalizes everyone in town from the second she steps foot in it. Her family wants to send her back, because they wanted a boy from the orphanage. (Actually, now that I write this out, Little Orphan Annie might have had some influence, except Matthew and Marilla are far from rich.) She gets her rich and sheltered best friend drunk unintentionally. She's a romantic and a dreamer.

In short, in a lot of ways I was Anne Shirley. Over the course of 8 books, Anne Shirley grows and matures and becomes graceful (something I'm still working on doing). The simple fact that someone could write such an inspiring character for all the kids that didn't quite fit in made me realize exactly how much I wanted to write. I've been writing since I was four, but this was the first time that I thought maybe my words could have an impact on other people as well.

Anne Shirley was a personal inspiration and heroine. She is perhaps the main reason that I dye my hair red as often as I do. To this day, the fact that Anne can find her dreams despite her gawkiness and her brashness, gives me hope that maybe I can as well. I have read every book L.M. Montgomery has written and I love nearly every character, but none of them hold quite the place in my heart that Anne Shirley does.

[Poem]Untitled

     This feeling like electricity
Lay me down soft and slow
     Lay me down hard and fast
Take my breath and breathe me out
     In this moment, in this second
I am nothing without you.