[Reflect]Because I Never Wanted to Say Goodbye, Just Until Next Time

It's been rough this week. Not for any particular reason, just I think about you a lot. I had dreams with the boys and you in them and I woke up crying. I'm at a point where I don't want to cry anymore and even three sentences into this I'm tearing up. You know me, I've never been very comfortable with showing my emotions. It's just hit me hard how many things I wanted to say. It seems a little bit like a lot of people have stood up on and shouted how much you meant to them and I'm just over here, my heart crumpled like a worthless piece of paper.

Here's a list of things I miss about you:
1. Your uncanny knack for telling me I was being an idiot in a way that made me actually take notice.
2. Being able to run over and get your second opinion on any given outfit/hair color/makeup choice and getting a completely honest response.
3. Your love of the unironic high five.
4. Our unabashedly shallow and catty conversations about everyone that wasn't on of "us".
5. Your unbelievable kindness and generosity, even when you didn't really want to be.
6. The fact you never returned any of my clothes and put a hole in more than one thing.
7. Your laugh.
8. Watching Springer at 11 pm every night and making up rules for the Jerry Springer drinking game.
9. Your infallible ability to make some of the worst decisions, but be able to laugh about it afterwards.
10. The way you rose above your past and made yourself into someone amazing and strong and beautiful, even if you didn't necessarily know it.
11. The fact you gave me a place to go and the support I desperately needed at one of the lowest points in my life.
There's so much more, but sometimes there's no way to put things into words.

There's also the list of things I'm sorry for, but I'm afraid that one reads more like self pity. It basically amounts to:
I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you enough.
I'm sorry I never had enough time to hang out.
I'm sorry I didn't wake up sooner.