There are great moments, don't get me wrong. Waking up to being snuggled with by him and talking for twenty minutes about silly things kind of moments. Watching him unselfishly play My Little Ponies with his sister to make her happy kind of moments. Helping me make breakfast kind of moments. Hugs and kisses and I love you kinds of moments.
Then five minutes later there are the moments where I'm getting screamed at about how he hates me and hates Sera and he wishes she had never been born. All over him hitting her. All over him screaming in my face for getting in trouble and put on time out for hitting her. Seriously, I spend about as many hours a day lately with him screaming in my face as I do him giving me hugs and pictures.
On a detached level, I understand this is him acting out because of unresolved issues from the fire combined with the huge life change of moving across the country. I get it. But on an emotional level I am just so fucking exhausted all the time. I don't throw it in his face, but I'm struggling to adjust to the move just as much as he is. Feeling like I'm constantly under attack by someone half my size is just making it so emotionally I can't cope anymore. I'm unhealthily happy when it's time for him to go to school, because I know it's hours that I won't have to deal with him or his bullshit.
I don't know what to do anymore. I would love for someone to hand me that magic wand that makes this one easy to deal with, because the up and down is exhausting as all hell.
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